5 Do’s and Don’ts of Marriage

67781_161740970524362_4572740_nMy favorite phrase to use about marriage is coined from my father-in-law:

“Every marriage is a mystery.” 

I interpret that to mean that every marriage is different from one another. What works form me and Perry, might not work for other marriages.

Eimagesxample: Cleaning the house.

I know a woman who is totally fine with always doing all the housework. ALWAYS. Her husband doesn’t lift much of a finger when it comes to cleaning. She is also really good at having a spotless house, sometimes it would get in the way of spending time together because I would be over there ready to relax, but she had to make sure everything was spotless before she could relax.

Me: I am okay with taking on majority of responsibility (especially because he can never fold my jeans the right way), but I expect my husband to do his part when he can. If the dishwasher is empty/dirty, he doesn’t need to leave his dishes in the sink, he can put them in the dishwasher. I am not the most perfect house cleaner, as much as I wish I were, but I am okay with that. I do the best I can and prioritize cleaning when I can. (We always have clean underwear)

Every marriage is different.

Here are five do’s and don’ts that work for our marriage, and maybe they could work for yours.

1) Don’t Keep Score

One time this happened between me and Perry while I had a friend over:
Me: Perry can you bring me a wash cloth?
(Perry brings me a wash cloth from the kitchen)
Me: Can you get it wet.
(Perry goes back to kitchen and gets it wet for me)

33635_161744070524052_7406885_nShe was astonished that Perry didn’t contest with my specific depands. I didn’t know why, we just do stuff for each other.

Not Keeping Score means: We practice charity toward each other! I don’t try and manipulate him to always do things for me (except since I’ve been pregnant). Its not always the most convenient times when he asks me to grab him a drink of water, or run his text book that he forgot out to the curb, but we both try and do things for each other equally.

And get this, sometimes we do it without being asked! WHAT? Yes, we offer to help each other. “Are you hungry? Can I make you anything?” Don’t do things for each other because you ‘owe’ them for doing something for you. Do it because you love each other and want to help each other.

2) Do Have Separate Hobbies

Perry and I have similar interests, but they are not identical. I like vintage clothes shopping. He likes building things. We both play music and have spent many hours playing in bands. It is okay to have different interests, in fact, it eliminates one of my biggest pet peeves that individuals practice: One Upping Each other. If you both are runners, some friendly competition is nice, but if you are always trying to prove to the other of who can run the hardest or longest, where is the fun in that?

Sometimes if you share the same hobby, but don’t get enough space from each other, you could end up disliking that hobby.

Don’t stop pursuing your interests! It is healthy to be able to support each other in your different passions. Its healthy to not spend 100% of your time together, always doing the same thing. Which goes into my next don’t..

3) Don’t Spend 100% Of Your Time Together

I’ve seen many friends rely on their spouses too much for their social life. Not every spouse needs the same amount of social activities in their life, but it can be bad news if you are solely dependent on your spouse for social life.

Perry and I enjoy our solitude. It is healthy for us. I’ve seen friends who are anxiously waiting for their husband to be home from an activity, getting angrier by the minute, and when he finally gets home they argue and give them a hard time for not wanting to spend time with them.

Here is a little hint: If you are angry when your husband comes home, do you think that encourages him to come home any faster?

Find a hobby, go hang out with your girlfriends, go do something on your own and enjoy some space.

I look at it it this way: How can you ever miss each other’s company if you are never apart?

4) Do Learn How To Listen And Validate

We all know men and women are different. Women need to talk out their problems (without someone trying to fix it) and men mainly want a recap of the issue so they can fix the problem.
To better explain this point, watch this video:

 However, both men and women need to practice listening and validation. 

  • Listening = being attentive, eye contact, but most importantly your mouth is shut and you are letting the other person speak.
  • Validating = acknowledging that persons feelings, or what they are telling you: “I’m sorry, that must be really hard.” “Wow that is really cool that you did that”.

4) Do Go To Bed Angry

“Don’t go to bed angry”, a common phrase many people give as advice to newly weds. I disagree. Sometimes you need to wait to use your words, give it a night, and talk about it the next day. This doesn’t mean you give each other the silent treatment, you can still be friends even if you are in the middle of a disagreement. It is just that, sometimes, we say things out of anger or frustration that we don’t really mean. We say things in the moment, that we probably wouldn’t say if we weren’t as heated.

5) Don’t Let Yourself Go10575148_10152397799307572_3516795062156958241_o

Maybe this is a shallow or vain tip, but I think its important. Me and Perry talk about this with each other often. We want to look our best for each other. We want to look cute and stay attracted to each other. Attraction is not solely physical. There is emotional, mental and spiritual attraction as well. Don’t let yourself go, don’t let your spouse let themselves go. Encourage healthy habits and behaviors in each other.

-Edit-

After showing Perry this blog he asked me where the real number one was:

1A) Love Each Other No Matter What

I thought this was an ‘of course’, but for some people maybe it isn’t. And we could always use the reminder. And Perry is the best example of this, because man have I put him through the ringer on occasion.

Marriage isn’t always easy. But it is so worth it.
Until Next time

-MB

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Challenge accepted, Dallas Browning

I liked to be challenged. I like when people push me and give me advice. Today I went to lunch with a friend and mentor, Dallas Browning. At one point he asked, “What is your unfair advantage in life?” That is not an easy question. I struggled to find a real answer.

Here are some of the things Dallas pointed out: That I am good at getting stuff done. I have the ability to organize pieces together and make things happen. I am humble about my strengths. I am discerning of people. I am authentic.

My first thoughts go like this as he is saying those things: What do I get done? Here I am 25-years-old with one and a half years left in school. I know I am missing out on opportunities in the working world because I made the decision to go back to school. I am surrounded by 18-22 year-olds, and in some cases competing with them to stand out and get noticed. I’m living in my in-laws basement! I make a couple hundreds dollars a month. Am I humble about my strengths or do I not allow myself to see them? The last two, I totally agree with (see I am not humble about those).

Another thing he asked about was if I blog or write regularly. My heart kind of sinks when I think about how little of writing I do these days.

And so, this is the challenge I referred to, the challenge I am accepting, a blog post is being written. And a series of post will soon follow. Because I need to let go of some fears I have had about myself lately. I need to share my experiences and thoughts somewhere.

I need to unwind from the little ball I curl into and reach out.

Photographer LeeYen loblee.com
Photographer LeeYen loblee.com

Writing Sample: Five features in GL that save you time.

Caselle’s General Ledger (GL) is the center of the integrated-solutions universe.  Its also the piece that connects your city Treasurer, Utility Manager and Accounts Payable Manager, and makes work easier.

Shelley Reeves, City of Grace ID, said using the checklists in GL is one of her favorite features.

“When I first started here they were a huge help to me, they make everything so easy, just follow the checklist and you’re done,” she said.

Here are five features in GL that offer time-saving, stress-reducing solutions you might not know about

Connects With All Parent Applications

Caselle is a true ERP management software.  GL directly connects with parent applications, eliminating the need for manually recording related transactions. (Go here to see full list of parent applications.)

Includes Budget Routines

The budget routines allow you to easily create new budgets based on prior or current year data. Those amounts can be increased or decreased by a specific percentage during the budget creation process.

Track Cost for Community Events or Projects

By using the Activity Reporting feature you can view the total cost and income for a big event, like a town festival such as New Castle’s Burning Mountain Festival. 

The activity can even span multiple fiscal years, allowing you to see total cost of activity during that time frame. Activities also group costs that may have been recorded using various GL accounts.

Save Time Reconciling by Importing Cleared Checks

Most banks provide you with a way to download cleared transactions. Use this information to import the cleared checks for your bank reconciliation.

Export Information Easily

Do you need to use information from GL in a spreadsheet or other application? Exporting information from General Ledger can be as easy as printing a report, and saving the values to a file. We’ve made it even easier if you use the Caselle add-in for Microsoft Excel to link your spreadsheet directly to the GL database.

Do you have more you’d like to share? Visit our Forum and join the discussion. Share your favorite features with other communities.

Why Women Who Have Lost a Child Can Be Mad

Does it bother most people to watch a friend or family member post their pregnant belly selfies? Or post the cute one-sies and outfits they are getting from friends and family? Probably not bothersome, might annoy a few. 

For a woman who has lost a child and never got to experience some of those moments, its rough. 

I wasn’t even showing at 20 weeks, I have a really long torso and carried the baby really low. I never posted a “baby bump” photo, it simply wasn’t there yet. 

I might have felt the baby move one time, but its hard to tell because I know sometimes that feels like gas. 

I knew my baby’s gender for a week, and had barely got used to the idea of calling ‘it’, ‘her’.

I didn’t get any outfits or clothes. 

For a moment I am going to have a pity party and scroll past all those types of posts as fast as I can.

I am allowed to have that. 

**Doesn’t mean I am not excited for all the pregnant mothers out there. I am so excited for them**

Photo shoot May 12, 2014

I decided I want to do some modeling again. I think its fun. Its challenging. And I am taking it seriously, but not too seriously. Seriously in the sense that I will be selective as I choose to shoot with people, and want to be professional. As a recent friend of mine said “Oh you aren’t doing a bunch of trade work to boost your ego?”

May 12, 2014

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